by Margot Cahoon
Sometimes visiting our elderly relatives is hard. We aren’t always sure what to talk about or what to do, and it can feel awkward.
However, that said, your elderly relatives still really love to see you. It gives them a sense of connection to the outside world, a sense of belonging, and it shows them how much you care about them.
Your visit doesn’t have to be a lengthy stay. In fact, 30-45 minutes is ideal, as are 1 or 2 visitors at a time.
The following ideas can help you to make the most of spending time together and even look forward to visiting again!
- Plan ahead. Young or old, people like to be in control of their own schedules. The first thing to ensuring a good visit is to reach out and ask your loved one when they are available for a visit. You’ll want to make sure that you don’t visit during any medical treatments, or while they are resting or participating in activities they enjoy.
- Bring a little something. Whether it’s a photo, their favorite pastry, or flowers, everyone loves little gifts that are personalized and show people that you know them and are thinking of them.
- You can bring in photo albums, videos, or favorite music to bring back memories of happy times. You can ask questions to bring up stories of the past. Many seniors enjoy talking about when they were younger (and when you were younger) and may share some stories of times that you don’t remember. Try asking them questions about other people in the family, or get their accounts of major world events. Sharing memories can make older adults feel healthier and happier, while also giving you insights into your loved one’s (and your own) past.
- Engage in easy conversation. Starting with an open-ended question is a good way to begin chatting. For instance, you can ask your senior loved one about their favorite songs and movies or their most memorable vacations. Or you can even get a little deeper – What is the biggest purchase you’ve ever made? When is the proudest you’ve ever felt?
- Listen and be affectionate. Remember that your visit is a reminder of how much you care about your elderly relative. If you’re both comfortable with affection, try holding their hand or hugging them during your visit.
- Be patient. Elderly relatives may have difficulty hearing or it may take them longer to process and respond to what you are saying. Speak clearly and slowly, and give them ample time to respond.
- Do an activity together. If chatting is tough and sometimes it can be, you may consider working on a puzzle or playing a quiz game – like Jeopardy. Reading aloud is another idea. You can pick a book or article to read and then discuss that – even if it’s something as simple as a cooking recipe. Your loved one may also enjoy walking the grounds of their community and getting a little fresh air or going for a drive to get an ice cream cone.
- Offer help. Ask your loved one if there is anything that needs fixing or cleaning that you can help with, or ask if there’s any errand running that you can do for them.
- Ask for their help. Not only will make them feel useful, but it helps them to feel connected to the family and the world. You could ask for advice on anything from home maintenance and cooking to gardening and raising kids and grandkids. They’ve seen a lot and experienced a lot in their lifetimes and often have great wisdom to share.
10. Plan your next visit. This is something that both you and your relative can look forward to. And most importantly, enjoy creating those new memories together!
Margot Cahoon is the Director of Marketing and Communications for Decatur House, a family-owned, assisted living community in the heart of historic downtown Sandwich. Offering 38 bright and spacious apartments and unique services and amenities designed to make residents feel at home, Decatur House offers the highest quality of customized care for each resident, as well as loving support for the entire family. Consider learning more by watching their video, downloading their brochure, or visiting their Facebook page.
